can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
