Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
