i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
