You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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