Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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