so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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