WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
