I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
