Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize