I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
