Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
