The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
worst night to have a conscience
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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