so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
