he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
