I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
