Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
