This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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