Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
