This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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