Swine flu is the new snow day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
