i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
