Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
