to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
