I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
