Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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