I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
