Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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