i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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