Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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