I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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