we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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