what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize