Don't make out with my wife yet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
