plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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