good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
