in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
