Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
