this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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