This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
