Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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