how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
