I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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