I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My penis needs a shock collar
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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