I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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