the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
