I'm so fucking centered right now
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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