Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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