my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
