I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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