We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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