STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
