you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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