none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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