Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
