if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
