if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Randomize
