Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
me + whiskey = a bad person
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
