The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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