Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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