That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
