We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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